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Boot Camp Wolf
Summery many of the canon characters join a boot camp for fun, but what they didn't count on was Wolf as their drill instructor. Transcript (Everyone comes off a bus at a barracks building near an area where a line of painted yellow footprints are) Broseph: Time to get my man on. Pink: What? You weren't manly enough before? Raccoon: With this, we wirr become much stronger. Lord Tourettes: Finally I get to SHIT at a new camp. Red: So why are we here, isn't boot camp for kids? Blue: Uhh, I'm sure it's for everyone else as well, dude. Stacy: So what the hell is this place? (Drinking a bottle of beer) Broseph: I guess we all know I will be the leader since I am the only man around here. Red: Oh hell no, I make much a better leader then your pussy ass! Raccoon: Werr, I should be da reader! Since I read an ENTIRE ARMY OF RACOONS! Stacy: Whoo... what jerkface? (A drill instructor walk in front of them all with the visor of his hat covering his face) Drill Instructor: Get in formation you fucks! (Everybody stands up straight in a line) Broseph: Where do you get off at telling me what to do Bro? Red: Wait... where do we shit? (The drill instructor dislocates Broseph's leg) Broseph: OH GOD BRO!!! Red: Haha, what a sissy. (the Drill instructor strikes Red's esophagus) Red: Ow... (Trying to hide the pain while coughing and gagging) Blue: Hey! Leave him alone! What kind of Drill instructor hurts people like that?! Stacy: (Drunk) Drill instructor? Well you can drill into me anytime. (The drill instructor starts twisting Blue's arm until he is on the ground with the instructor's boot on his back While choking Stacy) Drill Instructor: Let me tell you all something. Your worthless pieces of shits belong to me. You do not do anything at all until I say so. I will make this place have you wish you could go to hell. I hope you have all had one last good fuck because it may be the last time you ever have anything to fuck with after this is over. Do you understand? Red: Maybe... maybe not. Drill Instructor kicks Red down and steps on his crotch adding more weight into his foot) Drill Instructor: the thing that should come out of your mouths most of the time here is "Yes Sir". Every reply and question from you will end with "Sir" Do you all understand me? Red: Okay maybe. o_o Blue: (slaps Red's mouth shut) Y- Yes Sir! Red: Okay... Maybe sir. By the way sir... where can I shit sir? (The Drill Instructor lifts his hat's visor to reveal himself as Wolf) Wolf: You will shit when I tell you to shit. Am I clear? Red: Wolf? But I need to go now though Wolf... sir. Blue: WOLF?! (Wolf knees Blue's crotch) Wolf: What was that recruit blue fuck? Red: Haha, he got you there. (Laughs) (Wolf Knees Red's Crotch as well) Red: Ah... (Falls to the ground) Blue: I- I- I meant, s- sir... Red: (Trying to resist his pain) I'm totally okay... sir Wolf: Seems discipline is in order. Everyone do push ups now! Red: But Wolf... I mean sir, I need to go a shit first though, I'm desperate. Wolf: NOW! (everyone quickly drops to do push ups) Raccoon: (thinks) I cannot berieve Worf is treating his master dis way! (growls) Red: (Doing push ups and quickly get tired, he then faceplants onto the ground) Wolf, you're sure one dick... sir. Stacy: (Next to Red and rolls him over) Red: Stacy... Wolf: Thanks to Red and Stacy. Everyone will now keep going until they decide to do push ups with everyone else. (Everyone groans) Lord Tourettes: Oh my this is FUCKING BULLSHIT! Red: You say it LT. (Running out of energy) How is this even possible? Wolf: I have nothing else to do all day so we can stay here doing push ups. Pink: Red get up! But it's too hard. Blue: Come on man you know he means it! Red: (Falls to ground again) Raccoon: I'm gonna kick your ass Red! Stacy: Wee!!! (Falls to ground along with Red) Wolf: (Looks down at Stacy) you think this is fun? Stacy: What do you think babe? (a second later Stacy is holding Red in her arms with a knife to her cheek) Wolf: If you drop your fellow soldier, You pay a price. now keep him up from the ground. Stacy: Fellow soldier... what fellow soldier? (Wolf cuts her cheek) Stacy: Seriously, what was that for you bitch? Wolf: (places the knife on another part of her cheek) Stupidity cost lives in a war. you just paid for one with a stupid question. go on ask another. Stacy: Oh... you mean this guy? (Picking up Blue) (Gives her another cut on her cheek) Red: Stacy! Save your face! do what he says! Stacy: Oh, you mean Red? (Picks up Red in a choking position by mistake) Red: Stacy... (Coughing) Red: (Trying to get Stacy's attention) Wolf: If he dies... (places a gun at Stacy) you die. Blue: Holy shit Wolf sir! Please don't Sir! Pink: Come on Stacy, just hold onto Red! Simple as that! Stacy: (Holds Red in a normal position) Wolf: I have no room for weakness. she either gets it right or she gets rooted out. Pink: Phew... Broseph: I should have learned to read when I signed that waiver Lord Tourettes: (cries) I want my FUCKING mommy Stacy: So when is playtime over Wolf? Blue: Stacy, it's sir! Stacy: Oh... I thought it was Wolf, looks so much like him. Stacy: So when is playtime over sir? Wolf: When I see you had enough. (sees Stacy struggling to hold Red) you better not let him go for your sake. Blue: Please Stacy, just hang in there! Just don't let go of Red! Raccoon: I knew I should have joined the miritary when I wanted dat green card. (An hour Later Stacy was on the edge of letting Red go and passing out) Wolf: Everyone Stop! (Everyone drops to the floor panting and sweating) Wolf: Everyone get in the barracks. (Later they get in and see it is all a mess inside) Wolf: Pick your spot and get some rest. today was an easy day Blue: AN EASY DAY!?! Red: You call that easy, that was almost impossible! I even almost died. Pink: Oh god Red: Wait, does that mean I can go for a shit now? Wolf: Be my guest. (shows the bathroom infested with rats and roaches) Tourettes: Oh my FUCKING GOD!!! (Pink faints) Raccoon: I would not sit on dat Red: Hold on, do you actually expect me to take a shit in that? Blue: Ew... (Pukes) Wolf: you don't like it? (points to a mop, bucket, and sponge) you clean it up. Stacy: I see no problem. (Sits on the toilet and defecates whilst drinking) Wolf: At least someone shows more balls. Blue: Screw that, I'd rather do toilet outside Red: Me too! (Runs to the barracks to desperately) (Starts to rain outside) Blue: What have we done to deserve this?! (looks at Red) nevermind. Red: Oh rain, man I just don't care anymore! (Runs outside into the rain and defecates in a bush, unaware that they're stinging nettles) Blue: guess I have no choice. (shits out in the open) Broseph: I want to go home. (cries) Red: Aw... that's so much better... (Grabs what he thought was a normal lead and starts wiping his ass, but turned out to be a stinging nettle and Red's ass starts to sting) AHH!!!!!! (Starts running around the whole place) (inside everyone rests on old beds) (inside everyone rests on old beds) Raccoon: At reast dis is better than the trash can Lord Tourettes: How FUCKING long do we have here? Pink: I don't know LT, but why is this bed making me itchy? Blue: I saw the contract. it said three months Lord Tourettes: Oh, well then we're FUCKED! Broseph: I want my teddy bear. (sobs) Red: I want my teddy beer. (cries) Lord Tourettes: I want my DILDO! Pink: (grunts) I want a my lawyer Blue: I wanna sue. Stacy: I want Brian! Red: Wait, who's Brian? Blue: Well look at the bright side. at least we will train in the rain tomorrow instead of the sun right? (Next day they are crawling through an obstacle course in freezing cold mud and rain) Wolf: (firing off a mini gun over them) Get going before you get shot! Lord Tourettes: B- B- But it's s- s- so FUCKING cold!! Pink: I think I'd rather take the heat of the sun. Blue: How are YOU finding this okay?! This is hell! Broseph: W-w-what are y-y-you talk-k-ing about? T-t-this is n-n-nothing Pink: I-I-I-I feel l-l-l-like I'm ab-b-bout to d-d-die... (coughs and sneezes) Red: How long is this course? Stacy: My boobs are shrinking in this cold! Red: Ooo... let me keep them warm! (Hugs her) Pink: Ew! I change my mind! (pushes Red away) Wolf: Move faster! Here comes incoming. (starts dropping live grenades) Red: (Screams like a girl and quickly crawls) Blue: (screams) OH GOD!! Broseph: You're crazy brah sir! Lord Tourettes: Oh... well this is BULLSHIT! Raccoon: No! not open season again! (later after the course) Wolf: I hope you freaks are warmed up now. Pink: (sneezes) I think I got a cold... Blue: (shivers) S-S-So much, hell... Red: Well... at least it can't get any worse then this! Blue: (frowns at Red) You HAD to say that?! Wolf: Suck it up. now we have to walk up that hill (points to a tall muddy hill) (Everybody groans) Broseph: Ain't so bad. Tourettes: Wow... doesn't the mountain look so SHITTY? (a truck dumps a pile of large packs) Wolf: Each of these packs weigh forty five pounds and you are going to carry these up that hill Pink: Wh-Wh- (sneezes) What......? Lord Tourettes: You've gotta be FUCKING kidding me... Wolf: No one is leaving until you all carry a pack up that hill. Raccoon: How far is it sir? Wolf: a hundred yards up. Red: Pfft... sounds easy. Raccoon: Oh-ho-ho! No probrem, I can do it. Wolf: at a forty five degree angle. Everyone: WHAT?!? Wolf: it's going to be real loose ground from all the mud so be expecting a long climb. Pink: B-But... (sneezes) That's too much, I'm catching a cold....... Blue: (sighs) We might as well just get this over with, Pink. �Red: Can't we even a have a break? Wolf: after this we are done training for the day and everyone will go to the medical building. Blue: I think he means we are going to get treated. Pink: G-Good. Be-Because (sneezes) this cold of mine is getting w-w-worse! (sneezes) Red: What, I'm not a surgeon bitch! Wolf: (Breaks Red's arm making his bone break through his skin) Now you'll need one Red fuck. Blue: (grits his teeth) Shut up Red, your making it worse for you... Wolf: (Breaks another bone in his arm) I don't think you asked the right question. Red: (crying) How is this helping sir? Wolf: last I saw you don't need two arms to carry a pack on you back. Red: (crying) Y- You don't? Wolf: Just to give you sorry maggots something to motivate you. The nurse at the medical building will be Fox. (The men starts trying to run up the hill) Pink: (Signs) Well great. Broseph: Me first! I need more medical treatment! Red: Fuck off assfuck! I'm getting there first! Lord Tourettes: I need to get a CUMSHOT!!! Blue: (sighs) Well, I'm married, so I'll just go anyway. (starts running up the hill) Raccoon: Me first! I am an endangered specie! Pink: Well at least Blue cares about me... (Sees Blue running up the hill) Well... at least Blue did care about me Stacy: Ladies First! I want my Foxy! (the men give her an awkward stare) Blue: What the fuck!? (Pink sneezes and falls weak.) Blue: PINK! (runs to her) I got you... (helps her up) But this might give me your cold... Pink: (sneezes) Wh-Where's the d-d-d-doctor... Fox: (Comes out in a nurse suit) Okay first patient... Broseph: (flexes as he raises his arm) I am Foxy girl! (Shoves Broseph out of the way) Nope, he's lying! I am! (Kung Fu kicks Red) Animars need speciar attention! Lord Tourettes: Move! I want some! (The boys start fighting, as Pink weakly raises her hand.) Pink: C-C-Can I go first...? Fox: (Picks up Pink) You look in need of real help. This way (takes Pink away) Stacy: She gets to be with Fox first. lucky bitch. Blue: Are you a lesbian? Red: Or Bi? Stacy: Hell yeah I'm Bi! Red: Wow really? Stacy: I'm only a lesbian when I'm drunk. Red: Does this mean camps over? Raccoon: it is only the second day asshore. Red: (face plants the floor) Whyyy?! Blue: Please tell me I'm just dreaming? (Closes his eyes and speaks to himself) Okay Blue, you're lying in bed, cozy and warm. The soft mattress on my back, with Fox... I mean Pink next to me in bed... you're gonna wake up and it will be a lovely day... (Opens his eyes) (Signs) Nope, not dreaming. Pink: (shivers) I-I-I got a cold th-thanks to this stupid b-b-b-boot camp. (sneezes on a tissue) Fox: Here Pink. don't get the wrong idea it's just the quickest way to cure you. Pink: I'm never signing up for boot camp again... (sneezes) (Fox kisses Pink's fore head while holding her close) Pink: D- Did you just kiss me? (Pink feels her cold completely gone) Pink: Hey... I'm cured! But... (starts to cry) I wanna go home! (cries on Fox's chest) Blue: Pink, are you okay? (Peeks into the room and sees Pink and Fox) Oh... my... god. 0///0 Fox: (Comforts her) It's okay Pink. I know it seems impossible but there is a reason for this training being so harsh. Pink: (cries) But It's too much! THIS is the reason I got a cold! Fox: this is all mental training to push yourself to be more of a leader. Once you graduate from this you will be more able to take on anything in life. what you overcome here will make you overcome anything else in the real world. I know you can do this Pink. you are already a strong enough woman to pull this off and be a true leader. Pink: (sighs) Okay, I'll try. Fox: (Gives Pink one last hug) go get them girl. Pink: Thanks Fox. (heads outside the room as the boys rush to get in) Broseph: take me foxy girl! I need a deep medical inspection! Red: No don't listen to him, he just wants your boobs! Take me! Blue: Take me... along with Pink! Raccoon: I need your medicar hands! Stacy: My boobs are aching! give them a rub down! Blue: Fox, I'm dying. Please let me go next! Fox: are you sick? Blue: Uh I had to help Pink up here so I might be. Fox: Fine come in. (Everyone else groans) Red: Oh come on! Broseph: Oh come on brah, that's so not fair! Raccoon: why that wet noodre? Stacy: Aw. but I'm real horny right now. Red: Well that's fine by me babe! Fox: Alright Blue, now don't get any ideas about this. Blue: about wha... (Fox does the same thing to him like with Pink) Fox: (lets go) That should prevent any sickness from... is your nose alright? Blue: (lies) No, it bleeding Fox: (Lightly blows in Blue's nose stopping the bleeding) There you are all better now. Blue: (blushes) Thank you... so much... Just try not to get hurt again too soon. Fox: Just try not to get hurt again too soon. Blue: (sighs) I'll try not to. (just as Blue was about to open the door to leave the rest of them burst through knocking blue out a window) Fox: Oh great. Blue: Aaugh! God damn it! Pink: Oh dear Blue. Let me help you. (helps Blue up) (Next day obstacle course) Wolf: Let's go you bags of horse shit move you fat asses! Red: That is, if we were even fat. Wolf: (Shoots Red in the ass) Do you still want an ass at all? Red: Y- Yes, sir. Wolf: Then get your fucking as through this course! Pink: Yes sir! (starts running through the obstacle course) Blue: (sighs) We might as well start too, guys. Broseph: (trying to climb up a rope) Ugh dude. this rope is too slippery Stacy: That's what I said. Blue: I think it is said That's what she said. Stacy: Really? Pink: (climbing the rope above them) Come on Blue! Put your effort into it! Blue: But it's too haaaard! Lord Tourettes: wow Pink is being acting more FUCKING BITCHY than before. Raccoon: good thing I am a crimbing animar. (Raccoon continues climbing up above everybody else.) Red: (having trouble climbing over the tower wall) I DON'T WANT TO DIE! Wolf: (Aims a rifle at him) you don't have much of a choice. Blue: Why don't we have ropes for this?! Raccoon: It has grooves to crimb up with asshore Blue: Wait, where is Pink? (Shows Pink at the top.) Pink: Hi guys! Red: WHAT!?! HOW DID SHE GET UP THERE SO QUICKLY?! Stacy: pfft I can do that. (five seconds later she falls off) Wait let me try it again. (twenty more times she falls) I think my legs are broken. Broseph: You have sexy broken legs. Wolf: Medic. Pink: Stacy! Just stay tough and think smartly! Blue: I got it! (makes it to the top) I did it! Pink: See? You could do it. Fox: (pulls Stacy to a tent for treatment) I got her. Red: Ah shit! (slips and falls down) Ow! I'm hurt! Where's Fox?! Broseph: (Gets to the top) I did it. (looks down) AHH! Get me the fuck down! Wolf: Fine by me. (shoots Broseph down) (later shows Red, Stacy, and Broseph in the tent) Red: Need.... Fox.... Fox: where does it hurt? Stacy: my legs. Broseph: My arms. Red: My dick (Fox slaps Red) Red: Okay, now my face. Fox: (gets them fixed up) okay get back out there. (Next day rifle range) Red: Pfft, I've used guns before, this is gonna be a piece of cake. Wolf: (hands them all an M-16) You will all be firing down range at a human target from five hundred yards in hard blowing winds. you have ten bullets to fire under twenty seconds. that gives you two seconds to aim in and fire. there are five number of points to score. near the target is one, sides are two, around the black is three on the black is four, and center mass is five understand? Everyone: Yes sir (Lord Tourettes) FUCK!!! (Everyone starts trying to shoot but some keeps hitting one or two point areas) Broseph: My gun isn't working! Red: That's what she said. (Pink shoots most five point areas, while Raccoon gets three or four.) Raccoon: You are cheater! Wolf: No she just knows how to shoot other than you wet dicks. Pink: (thinks in her head) Thanks Wolf. (shoots five point targets) Lord Tourettes: (crying) I'll never FUCK this. Wolf: Try talking when you fire. Lord Tourettes: I want to go FUCK!!! (gets five points) I love to eat SHIT!!! (gets another) How am I doing this CRAP!!! (Gets another) Red: (shoots a bullet, but hits a rock and the bullet hits him right in the eye.) AAAAUGH!!! MY EYE!!! (Soon shows Red in the medic tent.) Fox: Only you can do this Red. Wolf: Remember to aim slightly off target depending on the wind current from where it is blowing and breathe before you squeeze the trigger (Blue soon starts shooting several five point targets.) (They begin to improve until the next day) Wolf: We will be running fitness course. do twenty pull ups, one hundred sit ups, and a limited timed three mile run. Red: What? come on man sir! (Broseph starts but after a few incorrect pull ups he starts to tire out from the strict exercise and stops at eleven all worn out) Broseph: My arms! I can't feel them! Red: (snickers) Wimp. Wolf: You're next. Red: Fine! (Red starts pulling up, but gets it incorrect and stops at eight.) Red: Gaah! My arms! (They all begin all the exercises until they are complete most of them are out of breath and numb except for Pink and Raccoon) Pink: Good thing Wolf took me into the wild that one time. Raccoon: Hah! I train Worf in my ninja crass. Blue: How many... more months... do we have left? Fox: (passing out water) two more. Everyone: Son of a bi... (when the training was over it was time for graduation) Wolf: Well a lot of you preformed like shit headless chickens but for the few that took it seriously... I congratulate you of becoming a leader and a success. As a marine I would like to present this golden plaque to one who truly deserves nothing less of honor and strength. Broseph: Yep it's going to be me. Raccoon: What?! No way! I did most of da training! Red: Fuck you. I kicked all your asses. Stacy: Where am I? Lord Tourettes: Oh my that is one shiny DICKASS! Blue: You guys were nothing, I did the most! Wolf: I give this Plaque to Pink. Everybody (except Pink): WHAT?! Pink: Wow! I really did it? Wolf: For showing more balls, strength of will, and leadership apart from these retards. congrats of completing Boot Camp Wolf. Pink: Thanks Wolf. Wolf: (Whistle for a limo with a lot of buff hot Marine men in uniforms) as a bonus you get to be escorted for the day by these honorable men. Pink: Oh wow! Thank you Wolf! (hops in and drives off) WOO HOO! Blue: PINK! Red: So what? it was just guys. Wolf: If you would have one it would be full of hot marine women. Broseph: Damn! Raccoon: I have faired. I'm a fairure. Lord Tourettes: (cries) I'm FUCKED! Red: Hey Blue let's go do that boot camp again to get those women. Blue: NO! Red: Too late. I already signed us up again Blue: FUUUUU- END Category:Episodes